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Connecting the Pieces to Build a Dynamic Relationship
For Destiny, a sophomore at New Britain High School, and her mentee, Gladysmarie, a freshman, building a strong mentor-mentee bond is a lot like putting together the pieces of a puzzle. In fact, that's exactly how their relationship began.
It was early in the school year and New Britain's mentoring program was just getting underway. Newly trained mentors and their mentees were eager to move beyond the awkward "getting to know you" phase that characterizes the start of any relationship. So Destiny and Gladysmarie settled on a jigsaw puzzle as a way to break the ice.
As they assembled the puzzle, pausing now and then to admire the colorful scene taking shape on the table before them, they fell into easy conversation, and the pieces of their relationship began to fall into place.
"We talked and talked and put the puzzle together," says Destiny.
Gladysmarie nods. We actually did the whole thing," she recalls.
"By the end," Destiny adds, "we were tight!"
As part of New Britain's Freshman Academy, Gladysmarie and other ninth graders would normally have little interaction with Destiny and other older students at the high school. Created by many high schools to help ease the move from middle school, the "freshman academy" model can actually – and unintentionally – create two transitions for incoming students: one as they enter ninth grade and the other as they leave the academy to become part of the larger high school. At New Britain, school rules prohibit upperclassmen from coming into Freshman Academy, unless of course they are CFES mentors – and are armed with a pass.
Yet teacher and CFES team member Anna Sicko and other faculty in Freshman Academy are finding that the older students have a vital role to play in smoothing the transition for ninth graders. And by engaging their former students as mentors, Sicko and her colleagues can stay connected with these students, continuing to nurture and advise them – in effect, serving as their mentors.
Initially, a group of tenth graders were paired with ninth graders in need of additional social and academic support. Mentoring for New Britain's larger cohort of CFES Scholars is provided by education majors from partner Central Connecticut State University (CCSU). However, Sicko and her team have found that the more intensive peer mentoring initiative is building strong connections not only between older students and younger students but also between students and teachers. Participants meet once a week during the school day for a full period, which means lunch for the sophomores and class time for the freshmen.
"There is nothing more beautiful and powerful than to see students helping each other, learning from each other, and supporting each other," says Sicko. "I am proud to see my students growing and developing their skills and talents. There are friendships born and getting stronger with every meeting we have. It is just worth it. Young people want to belong somewhere. They want to be a part of something. What is more positive than taking their energy and youth and putting them to good use."
How do Destiny and Gladysmarie feel about this cross-grade mentoring approach?
"We both like coming to school more since we have each other," says Destiny, who admits that she was not good at socializing with people before she became a mentor.
"I was shy when I had to introduce myself to Gladysmarie, but since I have gotten to know her, I have also gotten to know all the other ninth graders in the mentoring program. I know many more freshmen now because of her.
"Next year when she is in tenth grade," Destiny adds, "she will have a lot of high school friends over there."
Gladysmarie agrees. "I won't be lost next year," she says confidently. "It will be a lot easier for me because of my relationship with Destiny."
Listening to them talk – at times even finishing one another's sentences – it's easy to see how their relationship has evolved, and deepened, since the fall.
"Our relationship is a friendship, really," says Destiny. "We feel like family...like each other's brothers and sisters. We tell each other everything, especially when we have problems. If we need Mrs. Sicko, she is right there to help us. She is part of this, too."
Destiny accompanied Gladysmarie on her first college visit, a recent CFES-sponsored trip to CCSU. Gladysmarie's parents didn't go to college, so there were many unknowns as she stepped onto a college campus for the first time.
"I wasn't scared to visit college because I was with my mentor who has become my friend," Gladysmarie asserts. "I could ask questions because I felt comfortable. Others might make fun of me, but she won't."
Both girls agree that the trip to CCSU went a long way toward strengthening their bond as mentor and mentee, and as friends. What's more, it inspired Gladysmarie to reach higher academically.
"It made me work harder," she says, noting that her B's have become A's.
"I want to go to college," Gladysmarie states emphatically. "I don't want to work at McDonald's and be worrying about how to feed my kids, if I have some. I want to be at a higher level – I want a career!"
Destiny, whose mom went to college but dropped out, visited CCSU as a freshman CFES Scholar and welcomed the opportunity to show her mentee around campus.
"It made me feel so smart. I had been there last year and knew where things were, so I was comfortable on the campus," she says.
Struggling to deal with family issues this year, Destiny has found that her role as a mentor has been a source of strength and motivation. She likes being connected to the ninth grade mentees – and to her former teacher, Mrs. Sicko. While her grades aren't where she wants them to be – a casualty, she says, of the tough personal challenges she's currently facing – Destiny believes that without the mentoring program they would be a lot worse.
"The mentoring, and being a role model, keeps me on track," she says. And she plans to be there for her mentee next year when Gladysmarie leaves Freshman Academy and joins the upperclassmen.
"I will be there for her," Destiny confirms. "I'll be making it a lot easier for her to go to her classes and find her way around. We will be together next year, in the same building. I will still be her mentor."
"When I transition to tenth grade, I won't be nearly as lost or as scared because I have someone," Destiny says. "It will all fit together for me, I know it will."
Just like the pieces of the puzzle they did last fall.
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